Ahead of Mother’s Day this Sunday, our Chief Product and Marketing officer, Bel Harper, shares what it’s really like to be a working mum: the exhaustion, guilt, resilience and unseen brilliance behind ‘faking normal’.
Originally published in B&T.
It would be a tough ask a find a mum who doesn’t enjoy the spoils of Mother’s Day. It might be one of the only sleep-in days of the year, or perhaps a day that distracts from the haze of intense guilt that comes with being genetically wired to care hard, sleep light and always be on.
When I had my first baby, there was no parental pay or real acknowledgment that, in a work capacity, things would be any different. The pressure of coming back to a full-time job at full throttle was utterly daunting. I returned to work when my daughter was nine months old and at the same time, my mother-in-law had been diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia. Caring and desperately worrying for a very sick mum, at the same time as becoming a new mum myself, was brutal and certainly one of the toughest times in my life. And whether it was me putting pressure on myself to ‘do it all,’ or it was the industry’s oblivion to what new mums were really going through, the feeling that I had to ‘act normal’ and ‘lean in’ as Sheryl Sandberg, the former COO of Meta had advised, was exhausting.
Conversations with bosses about leaving work early to pick up the baby, or being advised to ‘take it easy on yourself’, even 17 years ago, just didn’t happen. We just played on in silence and hoped that no one noticed the struggle, the constant dark circles under the eyes and the multi-year germ fest being battled.
I’ve worked in out-of-home for almost three decades, and positively, I’ve seen things change for the better. Being a full-time working mum of two babies, toddlers, then tweens and now mid to late teenagers, has taught me so many things about myself, but more importantly, about the support that working mums need to thrive and survive.
Never underestimate the tenacity and pace working mums achieve day in and day out. I’m convinced it’s the ‘I’ve got no time for mucking around here’ attitude and the underlying dose of paranoia that ‘I don’t want to feel like I’m failing at this bit too’ that generates high volume, high quality work. Celebrate it hard.
Vulnerability opens up your village. Being honest about your situation and how you’re feeling is a pathway to stronger working relationships and getting the care or shoulder you need when you need it the most.
It’s okay not to be okay. I don’t believe any working mum with young kids feels like they’re nailing both aspects of their life, ever. It is a point in time, and juggling like a maniac, forgetting it’s your turn to do pick up (daycare will call), or buying cookies rather than baking them is okay. Be kind to yourself.
Every couple of months, take a deliberately self-centred annual leave day when your child is at day care. Enough of the guilt. Get a massage, read a book, have a sleep – you need it.
Parental leave is over in a flash, and as leaders in business, we need to treat this period like any other – keep in touch, keep encouraging career aspirations, keep inviting our teams to step in if they want to. It’s our responsibility to transition working mums back into our business and help continue these individuals on their growth trajectory in such an important period of their career.
My last shout-out is to the new dads. Unfortunately, most workplaces celebrate the birth and then forget that dads are going through enormous change too, so in a sense, they’re back where I was in 2008 – pretending that everything is just fine. Check in, often.
So this Mother’s Day, while the glitter-covered cards and lukewarm toast in bed are always welcome, what matters more is recognising the resilience, the quiet battles, and the deep love that working mums carry every single day. We don’t need a parade, just a little more understanding, a little less judgment, and a whole lot more support.
To the working mums at oOh! and every working mum still juggling, still doubting, still showing up, even when you’re running on empty, I see you, I salute you, and I’m there with you. You’re doing better than you think.
oOh! is the foundation partner of The Village, which empowers parents in media to thrive personally and professionally. Now in its second year, The Village exists to elevate, support, and advocate for parents and parents-to-be in the Australian media industry.
